Since it’s Labor Day we’re going to take a break from the work of serious blogging today. Here at This is Why I’m Drunk we certainly endorse drinking in moderation, but sometimes the situation doesn’t fit that bill.
That’s why today we “celebrate” a six-pack of songs that make me want to drink, then probably vomit in disgust:
1. Willow Smith – Whip My Hair
In the span of approximately three-and-a-half minutes, Will Smith’s daughter utters “I whip my hair back and forth” 56 times. I commend you if you can stand listening to any sequence of words that many times in less than four minutes, let alone this.
Remedy: While you try to keep your head from exploding, I’ll be sipping Rogue’s Beard Beer. Fitting.
2. Ke$ha – TiK ToK
This song went platinum five times after its Aug. 7, 2009 release. It set the all-time record for a female artist selling 610,000 digital downloads in one week. At least we can now pinpoint the fall of modern civilization.
Remedy: I believe there’s a Jack Daniels-aged version of Westbrook’s Mexican Cake, which, given Ke$ha’s propensity to swill the liquor, seems about right. Something dark and heavy to wash the memory of this song away.
3. Kings of Leon – Use Somebody
I first heard Kings of Leon’s “Molly’s Chambers” sometime in 2005 and the world was properly introduced in this famous VW Jetta commercial. However, when “Use Somebody” came out in 2008, it suddenly became the anthem for 13-year old girls who could scream “This song is about MEEEEEE!” Gag.
Remedy: Something light and refreshing that can transport my mind back to those lovely days of stadium rock from the band – Founders’ All Day IPA.
4. Lady Gaga – Any song ever
The Missus likes to listen to the radio in the car and my initial response any time I hear a Lady Gaga song while we drive is to scream “NO” and hit the “seek” button as fast as humanly possible.
Remedy: Bourbon. Neat.
5. The Wanted – Glad You Came
… and here I thought we were done with boy bands after NSync and Backstreet Boys. Aside from the wonderfully generic makeup of this song, I would’ve never known this was a “band” unless I watched the music video because every singer sounds the exact same. No joke, the song’s lyrics are just the same two verses and the chorus three times.
Remedy: This video takes place on a beach (of course) so give me one of my refreshing watermelon wheat homebrews and leave me alone.
6. Skillrex – Cinema
This song won a Grammy.
Remedy: Only a cooler full of beers can stop the reverberations of this song bouncing around my head.
But you tell me … what are the songs that absolutely drive you so crazy you have to grab a drink?
“Don’t drink to get drunk. Drink to enjoy life.” — Jack Kerouac