In Which I Apply to be a Beer Writer at Thrillist

Mr. Thrill,

Even though your company has been around for more than 10 years, I just found out about thrillist.com, which I think is awesome. The listserv set up for my frat brothers from Alpha Tau Omega blew up with your recent post, “Groove Cruise Pics: 4 Days Of Half-Naked Women And Nonstop EDM.” I was equally impressed with your enterprise journalism focusing on the creation of Rome’s red light district.

But most of all, I really love your beer writing, which has clearly set the bar for public discussion and consumption. <—- pretty good pun

After I read the post Sour Beers Are For Hipsters, Geeks, And Overcompensating Oafs*, I felt a strong connection to your editorial philosophy. But it was this week’s Craft Beer Is Dead. Gose Killed It. that sealed the deal.

As someone who has written numerous beer reviews, I could definitely relate to a description that made me imagine a cloudy liquid tasting just like the warm, spicy sweat one could lick off the underarm of a 43-year old, bearded body builder named Hans. Like your writers, I too, believe the glorious revolution of beer is over, and I’ve got a lot to say about it. People should definitely listen.

Which is why I’m ideal to be your next beer writer. I’m young (check), write a beer blog (check) and really love attention from purposefully saying stupid things (check). Like this one time I jumped up on a table in the student union and yelled something inappropriate at the girls walking by. Your site is kind of like that and I feel like I embody it.

As a Millennial, I also feel like I’m ready for big responsibility, so let’s do this thing, right?

You’ll find my resume attached. You can click to enlarge it, if necessary. I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,
Bryan

thrillist-beer writer-beer blog-gose-resume

Note: This post was inspired by another strong public reaction to a piece on the Thrillist website. People lost their shit. It’s just clickbait.

+Bryan Roth
“Don’t drink to get drunk. Drink to enjoy life.” — Jack Kerouac

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8 thoughts on “In Which I Apply to be a Beer Writer at Thrillist

  1. Sir, I have it on good authority that not only are not a member of Alpha Tau Omega, but that your entire pedigree is a complete and utter fabrication. You impugn the dignity of my fraternity, my alma mater and the good people of the Thrillist Publication Corporation with your attempt at deception. I have taken it upon myself to contact the CEO of TPco, he being a family friend, to ensure that your ruse bears no fruit. Rest assured that on this day you have made an enemy this day and I will see restitution for your transgressions.

    Good day to you, sir!

  2. I try to ignore them for the most part, but I cringe whenever I see a Thrillist post being circulated.

    One listed the oldest bar in each state. Everyone around here was jumping with joy because they stated that the local fav Jessop’s Tavern was the oldest bar in America. Social media high fives all around. Until I pointed out that three of the bars on the list were stated as being older than Jessop’s, and the impossibility of being the oldest bar in America when you’re not even the oldest bar on a list of old bars.

    Recently a list was put out about the most “iconic” bars in each state and for Delaware, the author (who claims to have spent much time there) picked The Deerpark Tavern and referenced how Edgar Allen Poe spent much time there in the 1840s. My comment to the article that Poe die in 1948 (or 49 forget) and that the Deerpark wasn’t built until 1951 was delete almost as quickly as it was put up. Poe stayed in the another Inn on the property. The Deerpark was built a couple of years after that place burned down.

    So my advice to you when you get hired (and with that resume how could you NOT) is to never let the facts get in the way of a good list. You’ll do fine.

  3. Pingback: ‘AHA’ Moments (Guest Post #1: Bryan Roth) | Leigh's Notes

  4. So, I’m a recruiter. I WISH someone had been this creative when they sent their resume. (Of course, I wouldn’t have hired him, but it would have DEFINITELY made my “Wall of Really Amazing Resumes.” Totally laughed out loud. I hate beer*, but I’m following you anyway.
    *I do like whiskey, for the record.

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